i haven't seen him for 3 weeks, was not in touch with him for 2. and now he texts me and tells me that he hasn't heard from me in a while?! i wanted to retort, "hasn't heard from YOU in a while," afterall i initiated the text exchange we had the last time. didn't it cross his mind that it was his turn? i can only swallow so much pride. as kristal said, "nagmumukha (na 'kong) kawawa."
ugh. i hate this. i'm not even sure about my feelings for him and yet thoughts of him continously drag me down like a deadweight. is it just because i don't have any other diversions? is it because i just miss the feeling of being with someone? or, is errol correct and i'm really in too deep into this shit? i've tried to enforce a personal (his full name)-ban, trying very hard to banish him away from my thoughts, from my life. why do i like him so much in the first place? he's done so many things that turned me off and disappointed me, my friends don't really like him or like him as a person but does not want me to get involved with him (usually my friends' opinion matters a lot to me), plus, we're two very, very different people. so why, why do i have to indulge myself in shameless retail therapy, beg my friends to take me to gimiks or please, please, introduce me to someone new just for me to be able to forget him?
i'll be seeing my sensei a few hours from now, i hope he can enlighten me with things. but this is the first time that the 3 of us (us 2 and another much-missed friend) will be seeing each other for a long period of time and i find it quite selfish and egoistic if i'd blabber on about silly ol' me. i'm sick of hearing myself complain about my lovelife too you know, so together with the ban i promised myself that i'd only discuss things about "him" with kristal, but unfortunately a surprising situation presented itself and i found myself discussing "him" again with errol and i wasn't able to regain much control ever since. hope i'd be able to control myself later, or at the very least, try not to be too melodramatic about it.
btw, he'd be stopping by the office tonight (or early tomorrow morning) and i really am feeling uncomfortable just by thinking of the situation. i don't wanna see him. not yet, at least. not when i still don't know what this is, where i am and if whatever-this-is is already finished.
wish me luck.
posted by moonchild @ 3:48 PM
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