psyche's closet

Thursday, November 03, 2005

...

Friday, October 21, 2005

san na nga ba 'ko pupunta?

parang dumadaan ang mga araw ang ginagawa ko lng e matulog at tumunganga. may pinupuntahan akong trabaho pero parang wala ding impact sa buhay ko e. pupunta ko sa opisina, makikipag-usap sa kung cno2ng taong hindi ko kilala tungkol sa mga bagay na wala din naman akong alam at pakialam. nakikisalamuha ako sa mga taong hindi ko cgurado kung naiintindihan ako (pero sabagay hindi ko din cgurado kung naiintindihan ko cla) at ewan ko lang kung naaappreciate ang presensya ko sa buhay nila. pakiramdam ko palutang-lutang lng ako sa kawalan.

san na nga ba ko pupunta? ano na nga bang gusto kong gawin? pilit ako ng pilit sa mga tao na tanggapin nila ko bilang "ako." pero wala nman akong ideya kung cno tlg ung taong un. may mga pangarap akong na-carryover lang mula pagkabata, pero hindi ko alam kung alin sa mga bagay na yun ang gusto ko pa ring abutin. lagi kong sinasabi na hindi ko naeexhaust ang full capabilities ko, pero ano nga ba ang kaya kong gawin? paulit-ulit na kong nagsusulat ng ganitong tema pero ano ba talaga ang ginagawa ko para makaalis ako sa ganitong sitwasyon, para mawala yung ganitong pakiramdam?

wala.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

great. just great...

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent.
Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.

You would make an excellent:

Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor
Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer
Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer
Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor

The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

so mali tlga pla ung career ko ngaun. bank teller, brokerage services representative... sounds familiar?aargh...

Friday, September 16, 2005

and so another story ends...

staring at the rain beating on the pavement, listening to a maroon five song.
so... this is how it all ends...
you check the time on the watch that i gave you, wipe your face with a hanky that was once mine. i notice the ring you still wear on your finger.
so this is how it all ends...

...and everything else begins...

i am sorry...

i really, really am...

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

sucks to be me

it does.

i had the worst night yesterday. long story, basta i ended up having to walk from ugong to i.p.i. for those of u who have no idea how far that is, basta it's far. and with last night's downpour it was pretty shitty getting my pants, arms and feet all wet with rain water, plus i had to endure catcalls pa from truckers on the road. when i got to the office, ken was all worried about me na (such a sweetie); he was the only one i texted when i got into that predicament and since i was on the road, i didn't notice na he was calling me na pala. one of my colleagues first reaction was, "mura cguro ng mura 'to sa daan." damn right, i was. i was cursing the weather, myself, the truckers, anything and anyone i can curse til my mind drifted off to other things na like where i'd eat tomorrow, etc. while avoiding water puddles and trying to be not that noticeable i got mad, cooled down and got mad again. it was hellish, but i was fine. nothing can ruin my good mood these days... or so i thought.

this past 2 weeks can easily be one of the happiest weeks i can remember myself having, ever. i am in love. or at least i think i am. heck, i must be - i'm giddy, excited and i can't stop thinking about this one special person. he understands exactly what i mean when i tell him something, he can finish my sentences, we second-guess each other, he encourages me to go after my dreams. being with him is everything i imagined it to be and more... but being with him also means i'm hurting other people. other people who loves me, who cares about me.

why can't i stop being a kontrabida just for once?

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

tagged!

three names you go by:
1. chryssie
2. xseth
3. lovely - i know, don't ask

three screen names you have had:
1. moonchild
2. roguegwyneth
3. angry_princess (from one of the "thirteen ghosts")

three physical things you like about yourself:
1. eyes
2. shoulders
3. hands

three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. lower limbs
2. feet
3. knees

three parts of your heritage:
1. filipino
2. spanish
3. chinese (yep!)

three things that scare you:
1. failure
2. my future
3. losing loved ones

three of your everyday essentials:
1. cellphone
2. hair stuff (leave-on conditioner, comb, ponytail)
3. pen

three of your favorite musical artists:
1. maroon5
2. dishwalla
3. sugarfree

three of your favorite songs:
1. sunday morning, maroon5
2. somewhere in the middle, dishwalla
3. dancing in the moonlight, toploader

three things you want in a relationship:
1. magic
2. spontaneity
3. devotion

three lies and truths in no particular order:
lies:
1. love at first sight
2. advantages of positive scripting
3. the existence of your ideal man
truth:
1. mabait ako... minsan.
2. 'sucks to be me
3. no outfit is as timeless as the little black dress

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. height
2. build
3. face

three of your favorite hobbies:
1. reading
2. writing
3. watching movies

three things you want to do really badly now:
1. chillax - read a book while listening to my fave songs
2. eat... a lot
3. watch tv

three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. teaching
2. a career in broadcasting
3. practicing law

three places you want to go on vacation:
1. paris
2. rome
3. new york

three kid's names you like:
1. sofia
2. jared
3. imogen

three things you want to do before you die:
1. become a better person (better - in my perspective)
2. backpack to europe
3. write a really good book or... model ;)

three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. m a slob.
2. sometimes, when i start liking someone, m just in it for the chase
3. i'd be happy just to hang out, drink beer and eat pizza

three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. i love clothes and makeup.
2. m a crybaby.
3. m moody as hell.

three celeb crushes:
1. shayne west
2. chad michael murray
3. jared padalecki

my turn to tag...three people that i would like to see take this quiz:
1. leah
2. quiao
3.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

mira

A typical yuppie in your plain white shirt, pinstriped pants and heels, I look closer and notice you’re wearing almost-black plum nail polish and lipstick of almost the same shade. You have a blanket thrown haphazardly over your shoulders, earphones stuck in your ear. You’re listening to a bunch of alternative bands and Avril Lavigne. You never left your computer except to eat, beside you is a thick pile of readings. Your hair’s one big mess. How much more of a contradiction can you be, Chrisseth?

usapang lalake

inspired by one of lola lei's blog entry

guy #1
i told myself that i'd banish him from my thoughts, that i won't turn every single thing that reminds me of him into portkeys of memories that i'd want to relive, and yet he still manages to squeeze his way into my mind every now and then. people have asked me over and over again, "are you in love with him?" i'd like to think that i'm not, that i'm just amused that i met someone who actually watches national geographic and discovery channel, who remembers my favorite quote from my girl 1, who knows a hell lot more about movies and tv programs than i do, who actually corrects my pronunciation and who uses predictive texting. but i keep wondering if he thinks about me too... i keep thinking about what he'd say, how he'd react to certain situations if he only happened to be with me...
i... miss him.

guy #2
he's not my usual type... well, #1 isn't, either, but i liked this guy almost immediately after meeting him because um, he's the only ok-looking guy in our training class. he's not super cute or anything, but he's an eye candy. nice porma. after a while i realized he's the unbearable coño type, forever speaking in that contrived american twang so i got irritated and moved to guy #3 (i'll elaborate on him later) just so i can have something to look forward to everytime i go to work. but we became friends, and i started hanging out with him and whaddya know, he's not so bad afterall. thing is, he already has a girlfriend AND he seems to like one of our friends who's really2 close to me. hai... it's not confirmed yet, but our friend likes him too so... there. too bad. he turned out to be this really, really nice guy who'd make sure he'd go to you when you seem sad so you two can share a joke or two, even if nobody else has noticed. he even left our friend one time because "walang kasabay si chryss." super nice considering they're already kinda "mu" and all. i even get invited to hang out with the two of them as a sorta third wheel so that the girl won't fall too hard daw for him (since the situation is magulo, yada) and yet i have never felt out of place. hai...

guy #3
me and my friends were playing and throwing pens during the first day of training and the pen i threw out suddenly landed on somebody else. the guy is definitely not cute. my friends teased me about it, "soulmate daw" cut to: next day, we were checking our quizzes and i was checking this paper with an unbelievably high score. guess whose paper it was? yup, the "pen" guy. he goes to class, sleeps or listen to mp3's and yet get scores higher than most of ours. cut to: the class just came back from a break, our trainer started saying something but was cut by somebody singing, "la, la, la." i look at the back and saw guy #3 with earphones stuck to his ear seemingly not caring that most of the people in front are already looking at him. cut to: i was walking one day, frustrated by an online exam, and blurted "just when you think you know everything...aargh!" didn't know he was behind me, just heard a voice that said "you can't know everything." ookai... heath ledger in 10 things i hate about you? i started thinking, hmmm... he's brainy, he's witty, he's rich pa pala, pero he's super modest, so since i was just turned-off by coño guy #2, i decided i liked him better. turns out he likes the same girl guy #2 likes and started stalking her like a psycho. take note, he has a girlfriend too. turned-off ang lola mo. but he's still among the few ones who says the funniest, wittiest comments plus i'm still amazed at how little effort he exerts to study and yet he's still one of the few people who i think will get top marks on the licensure exam.
again, too bad.

guy #4
we used to really jive. i used to find him physically appealing, though i know a lot of people would beg to disagree. his sense of humor was something that i really liked about him, though nowadays i seldom find his jokes funny. he's intelligent, though it's not the same brand of intelligence i would've wanted my guy to have. he had been all i ever wanted, right now he's all that i have. i want to be fair to him, to be fair to myself. to figure out my real feelings once and for all. even though it doesn't seem like it, i want to be worthy of being called his girlfriend...
and he loves me...
he really, really does.

A Prayer Long Overdue

Thank you.

For giving me the most wonderful family a person can ever have. My grandparents were extraordinary. Up until now I don’t think I can ever do anything in my life that would make me deserve them. In fact I think I may have done a few things which would make me deserve them less, but there they were, even after all the stupid mistakes I have commited.

For giving me an intelligent father and industrious mother. Thank you for making me come to terms with the fact that they are human, and for letting me see past their differences and imperfections. They, afterall, produced me and 3 other superb kids whose wit and kindness I can only hope to surpass.

For this job that I complain so much about; I know I should be thankful instead. And I am... I guess words of other people just get to me too much and sometimes I just wish I could be the person everybody expected me to be. But still, I am grateful that every once in a while you remind me of how lucky I am that I am here, I can help my family, and I can still live comfortably and afford some of life's luxuries.

For my friends whom I love so much. I would never have survived without them.

For "him." For giving me someone who loves me as much as he does. I hope that I made the right decision in getting back together with him. Please let me get it right this time, if this is really where I'm supposed to be. I no longer want to commit the same mistakes I have commited in the past.

For making me the person that I am right now. This strong, independent, opinionated woman who a lot of people abhor, but is still loved by a few chosen ones. I would never wish to be anything else other than the person I already am (although I might've dropped a joke or two of wanting to be somebody else in the past). I've come into terms with all my faults, eccentricities and qualities that endear me to the people I love.

For all the people I fought or argued with, for the men who broke my heart.

Even though at times it may seem that I may have been complaining... really, I could not have asked for anything more that I would need to have.